By Lillian Dell’Aquila Cannon
In thinking about circumcision, I am often reminded that no parent has their child circumcised with the intent of hurting him. They always have the best intentions, often thinking that circumcision is vital to prevent infection or to cement paternal bonding or social status.
Sometimes, however, the circumcision results in greater than normal harm to the child, though this harm is often not seen until adulthood. To what am I referring? Sexual harm, of course. The very nature of circumcision as a modification of our most private parts means that the harms are rarely recognized, and even more rarely discussed. Adult men usually have not seen very many other penises in real life, let alone discussed how they feel or function. They definitely are not discussing any of this with their parents, and even if they did, it is too late to do anything about it. There is a feedback disconnect. Unlike when choosing a car seat or stroller, an expectant parent cannot just go onto Amazon.com and look up reviews of circumcision. Most circumcised men never experienced being intact, so they have no basis of comparison. Men who were harmed by circumcision are often not likely to even recognize the harm as stemming from their circumcision, nor are they very willing to discuss it. We humans are all narcissists, and we think that how we experience the world is universal.
In addition, most of the common types of sexual harm are considered normal in our circumcising culture. Intact penises do not require lubrication for masturbation or handjobs. Intact penises do not chafe or dry out the vagina during sex. Intact penises don’t require a lot of hard pounding in order to reach orgasm. Though many Americans think these are all normal parts of male sexuality, they are not. For a really illuminating look into intact vs. circumcised sex, take a look at the O’Hara’s amazing site Sex as Nature Intended It. Or, just watch any porn film with an intact man. (Even American porn films feature more and more intact actors, since circumcision rates in California are the lowest in the country and have been for a long time.) Seeing the foreskin easily slide back and forth over the erect penis makes painfully clear what most circumcised men are missing. Here is a page of animated gifs to help you understand.
Because of this confluence of factors, it is very rare that an expectant parent would know a man who was severely sexually damaged by circumcision, but they exist. In studying circumcision, I have met many men (and their partners) who were harmed by their circumcisions. The form of the damage varies, but usually includes pain during sex and/or difficulty or impossibility in achieving orgasm. Dr. Paul Tinari (forcibly circumcised as a child) discusses some of his sexual problems caused by circumcision in this Cut Tour podcast. His circumcision left him with so little skin on his penis that every erection was painful and drew the skin at the base of his penis onto the shaft. This meant that when he was erect, the skin of his penis was hairy, which was painful for his partners. This is actually a very common result of circumcision, but it is not normal. The shaft of the penis is not meant to be hairy, and erections should not cause pain because the skin is stretched so tight.
Circumcision survives because we do not discuss such things, but we need to. As a parent, my goal is to do my absolute best by my child. If I knew that something I intended to do might ruin my child’s sex life, I would be obligated to avoid it. In defending circumcision, some might say that “fitting in” or “matching dad” is worth the risk of severe sexual dysfunction, but that is not the parent’s decision to make. The harms and benefits will be borne by the child alone; thus he alone should make the decision.
Parents, listen up:
You want to do right by your son. You want to give him the best start in life. You think that circumcision is an important part in that, because you have been told that circumcision makes the penis better, prettier, cleaner, healthier and more attractive to women. But circumcision won’t do this. He might match you or other boys at school, but he will very likely suffer the standard package of sexual dysfunction: difficulty masturbating, the necessity of artificial lube, earlier impotence, dissatisfied partners. On top of that, he might be one of the really lucky men whose sexuality is completely destroyed by circumcision, men like Dr. Tinari, who until his restoration experienced sex as simply painful for him and his partners. You don’t want this for your child, do you?